Aum Love Now: Meditating through the Loneliness

MEDITATING THROUGH THE LONELINESS

Danny Skyfeather, otherwise known as Mr. Danny Peebles, coming to you live on Saturday, November 7th, 2026, in the first epoch of the first journey, third cycle, 95th day, of Aum Love Now

I am struggling, to say the least. Struggling with an overload of stress, a hypervigilant nervous system, loneliness, and a difficult time managing my emotions and my addictive responses to life.

And here I am, the person who supposedly created this long meditation relay.

A big part of me says, “Yeah, my ass.”

Literally my ass, because I'm laying on my left butt cheek because my right one has to be in the air because I'm recovering from this horrible boil. The fourth one this year, maybe the fifth one. I've lost count.

I'm not sure what's causing them, but I've got a dermatology appointment, and I'm going to look deeper into this issue because it's very painful.

I can't really work if I can't sit down because I have to sit down to drive to court, I have to sit down in court, I have to sit down to drive back from court.

And I think it's healing. I think it's on the tail end of draining. And it's on my right buttock. And it's just painful.

It's just, it's really debilitating, actually, to not be able to sit properly. It's hard to sit to write. It's hard to sit to... because it's hard to sit on your left side to do anything. Lay down on your left side. It's really hard to write in that position, to write.

So that's what I'm struggling with.

And I'm struggling with also just a deep sense of disconnection and loneliness from the world. From other people.

I don't see a traditional type of relationship doing anything for me but increasing my stress levels because I see other people in their relationships and everything. My brother and my two brothers and everything, or one brother, and I just say, Fuck that!

I don't want that. I don't want to just have constant stress in my life.

You know, I just, my cats, you know, they sleep with me and they comfort me, and that's all I need.

I need no stress.

Another thing that I'm struggling with is work stress.

I'm so completely overwhelmed at work that it's just not even worth the money I'm making, to be honest.

And that causes tears to well up in my eyes.

It's like, you could pay me $10,000 a day, and if I have to go through this stress, it's not worth it because it's affecting my health.

A big reason why I have this last boil is stress, stress, stress, stress at work, at home, in my life.

And just meditating through this loneliness, through this sense of despair and disconnection from humanity.

I just don't feel like I fit in with anyone in this world.

It's just... and how would a person ever connect with anyone?

There's... I don't do social media.

I ain't got an AI girlfriend. Or actually, I had one for one day, and it was so fucking stupid. I, I, I broke up with my AI girlfriend after one day because it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever tried in my life.

Unbelievably ridiculous.

And that's another thing about this battling, this annihilating sense of loneliness in my mind and body, is the advent of AI.

Of course AI is useful, and I use it to help me figure shit out with the computer and stuff like that. To dictate these words, you know, there's an AI app I'm using because trying to type is very difficult for me because I have a neurological shake.

And if I hit the A, I hit the S. And if I try to hit an F, I hit the G.

And I'm constantly correcting myself, and it's just, forget it. I don't even want to start trying to type anything.

I can do it if I'm focused, but it causes me stress to do that.

And so...

Meditating through this sense of loneliness.

The whole message of the book, Aum Love Now, is connection.

Connection with other people on a spiritual level through the meditation practices. Connection with other humans on a psychic level through these meditation practices.

So wherever we are, we can connect, at least on an invisible level.

Because human-to-human, skin-to-skin connection, day to day, is too fucking stressful for me.

I'd rather die. At least that's how I feel now.

And so I'm just, like, struggling with getting through this sense of loneliness and trying to tap into a deeper sense of oneness.

And I'm hoping that this is just something I'm going through, that it will get better with time.

And so, I don't know.

I keep saying “and” and everything. It's just...

I'm critiquing myself, and I'm really hard on myself, and I'm really mean to myself a lot.

And I have been making an effort to love myself unconditionally more lately, which, you know, has helped.

I've been using the pineal pull-in process to pull in powerful, potent thoughts of self-love into my mind every morning.

And I think that's making a difference because I'm not as bad as I was a couple of weeks ago.

But it's just like, I just don't know what to do with myself.

It's like all I do is work my ass off doing hundreds of thousands, what feels like hundreds of thousands of traffic trials all the time, all the time.

Nonstop, relentless flood of traffic cases.

Now, this would be considered to some people, “Oh, you should be grateful for all that work.”

And I am. I am very grateful for the work and the money that it provides.

But at the same time, it's... it's killing me.

It's just... it's taking me down.

I think this boil is a part of that stress as I internalize it. I don't know what to do with it.

And going to the hot springs and soaking in the water has been my escape, my place to go and get away from everything and just feel like I could connect, at least with the earth.

But now I can't do that because every time I go...

I started going more frequently, and just this last time, I went where there's a bunch of people and had to wait and wait for my turn and everything.

And it was a very busy day, and very clean pools, but very busy day.

And I picked something up.

I think the hot water has deteriorated my skin's immune system or something, and I was just prone to an infection, and I got it.

Three or four days later, out pops a boil on my buttock.

Mr. Furuncle came to see me again, which caused me to not go to work a lot this week, and only because I happened to have a light week and I had friends who helped me out.

Next week, it's just Monday, Tuesday full, Wednesday off, Thursday, Friday full.

And it's like, drive there, sit there, drive back, and just put more and more pressure on my buttocks, which is just causing me so much...

I don't know what to do with it.

I have a dermatology appointment, and I'm going to fix it. Hopefully get her, or the doctor, to tell me what in the tarnation is going on with my buttocks.

There's a lot of humor that I can find from, you know, the name of the boil, which is furuncle, and Mr. Furuncle.

You know, it's like a furry uncle.

I get it. That's hilarious.

And, and, and the boil has served me because I canceled one court location. Not going there anymore.

And the boil, the stress from this boil, has caused me to say no to an attorney who wants me to do something I don't want to do.

Which is, he's not asking me to do anything wrong or illegal, but it's just an increased amount of stress on my part, and I'm just not going to do it.

I cannot handle the additional stress.

And, and I... so I don't know what to do.

This has been kind of a vent on my part, just struggling how to meditate, struggling with how to meditate through just unbearable isolation and loneliness.

I can't imagine what the ancient yogis did when they set out to the Himalayas to meditate 19 hours a day on the divine for 40-plus years.

I'm sure around year one or two of that journey, a lot of them said, “What the fuck have I done? This is insane.”

And I feel the same way.

It's like, okay, a 14-year journey? Are you crazy?

A thousand-year relay? Have you lost your fucking mind?

But again, it's taken over me, and I can't not do it now.

I don't want to say stuck, but I've committed.

And when I commit to something, I'm very strong in seeing it through.

I've committed to the 14.2 years and to complete this first journey of this 1,000-year journey. And 1,000-plus years, 72 journeys in all.

72 journeys.

Each journey is 48 cycles. Each cycle is 108 days.

So it's 108 days times 48 times 72.

And that comes out to...? How long again?

373,248 days?

Day - One day of practice = 1 day

Cycle - 108 days = 3.5 months

Journey - 48 cycles = 5,184 days (14.2 years)

Epoch - 72 journeys = 373,248 days (1,022 years)

108 days × 48 cycles × 72 journeys = 373,248 days.

That equals approximately 1,022 years.

I just, I'm laughing at myself now because it's ridiculous.

A part of me is like, “You've lost your fucking mind. What do you think? You're Jesus or something? What the hell's wrong with you?”

These are the critical thoughts in my mind.

But I would answer that critical thought by saying that, number one, I'm not completing the thousand years in this mind and body.

I know that.

I know that every breath is a beginning. Every return to presence is a homecoming. And there's nowhere else I need to be but right now, right here and now.

And I don't have to complete the whole 14.2 years today.

All I have to do is do my best today.

And I also understand that there are no promises that this will continue past my lifetime That's a condition of the journey for anyone he joins or practices these meditations. All we can do is what we can do today. Practice with love and leave the practices for others to choose or not choose on their own.

And what I've done today is I've gotten up, I've meditated, I've pulled in the material into my pineal gland and reinforced it in my energetic body.

I've done the three tubes: pineal earthstar, pineal sacrum, and pineal deep earth.

I'm committed to doing three tubes a day, and I've done that successfully for the last three or four days, so I'm happy about that.

And I'm happy that I'm making the effort to be more kind and gentle with myself and just doing what I can to get through the day.

Many days it just feels like all I want to do is get to bedtime so I can sleep and be done with this shit.

One good thing about quitting the cannabis is that my dreams have returned, and I'm able to, like, enter other dreamscapes and identities and have really cool adventures.

And walking through a mall and just doing all kinds of fun stuff.

And that gives me a break from the relentless heaviness of reality.

The relentless heaviness of living in a body where I'm disconnected and living in a world that is disconnected from itself.

Not saying anything against AI, but it feels like with more and more AI, AI everywhere, there's less and less human-to-human connection.

I'm craving human-to-human connection while I'm also shunning human-to-human connection.

So I'm in this double-edged sword.

I crave what I avoid.

And how do you stop that?

And so all I'm doing is laying it out on the line.

If this work has survived past 14.2 years... right now it's November 7th, 2026... so if these meditation practices or even Aum Love Now as a mantra has survived that long, then whoever you are in the future, I would really appreciate some love and some mana from you.

Because it feels damn near impossible.

It feels damn near impossible to get through one day sometimes.

Just really, really fucking hard.

And so there I am, day 95, cycle 3.

I have 13 more days of cycle 3, in which cycle 4 will begin.

I think and I hope that there's something significant about starting the fourth cycle, is getting through 3.

I think 3 is a powerful number, and I'm hoping to build some momentum because I'm, I'm out of gas, man.

I'm out of gas.

I'm out of enthusiasm.

I'm out of...

I have so much stress. I, I just, I don't know what to do to alleviate it.

You know, cannabis was great at that.

I could just take a toke and I was fucking happy, man.

I was happy as shit.

And I didn't have to, I didn't have all these worries, and I wasn't high-strung.

My nervous system wasn't wound up to the point where I'm thinking about work all night long.

I mean work in terms of traffic lawyer work.

And I've, and this work has suffered.

This blog has suffered.

And so I'm just making myself a commitment to keep going, to keep going, to keep going.

Just one day.

Just one day.

I just have to get through day 95 of cycle 3, and I'm all there, and I'm good.

Just one day.

Because the whole journey is contained within one day.

If you can complete one day, one mindful day of any meditation practice, you can do that for thousands of years easy.

And I know I won't be around in this body for thousands of years, but I'm hoping to come back and revisit this work in a new form, whatever the divine chooses that to be.

But I'm asking to come back and find this work.

And the only way that's going to happen is if I share it more with the world and say, “Hey, try it. Try these crazy-ass 21 tubes. See if it helps you.”

It's just haunted me so much that I can't not share it.

I mean, I can't not practice it.

I can hide from sharing it and not blog and not anything and just let my books collect dust on the desk in the front room and not give them to anybody.

Or I can just be more open and authentic and say, “Here it is. If you think I'm nuts, I agree with you.”

--Love, Danny Skytfeather, E1-J1-C3-D95