Day 74 - Cycle 3 - Journey 1 - Epoch 1 - the loneliness deepens

Danny Skyfeather here, welcoming you, and welcoming myself, into this space, this timeless space of love that's not capable of definition, beyond human expression, and very simple and palpable as the breath moving through our bodies and the blood coursing through our veins.

I must report that on day 74 of cycle 3, I am in the pit of loneliness. Isolation, depression, despair. Yes, I distract myself from these when I'm completely stressed out with all my traffic case load and my family load and my daily grind through the machinery of the world. But I come back to this pit. It's almost like a concrete block in my chest and belly.

Cycle 3 has been the hardest, the very, very hardest to endure. I'm battling with thoughts that say, just forget it. Let this die with you. It's meaningless. How dare you even try something so insane? And all I can say to those naysayers in my mind and in the world is that I can't help it. I'm sorry. All I can do is keep going.

Over 30 days ago, I dropped THC from my system, and it's been a rocky road. I'm so grateful that it's not in my system, but living life raw, feeling everything raw, is not very fun.

So I'm doubling down on my practice, moving the energy through the tubes and between the 7 centers of light, working on letting go and forgiving myself for what feels like failure after failure of human relationships, being estranged from my adult son, for reasons that still confuse me and leave me lost and alone, which brings up deeper pain of past failed relationships. I honestly don't feel like I know how to connect. It's something that I want, but something that I shun. Connecting in the traditional way, in the traditional romantic way, with other people doesn't work and will never work for me.

So I sit here alone, lost.

Yet forever found in the energy of love.

So I say, so I hope, so I pray.

Love is accessible, the omniscience of love, the omnipotence of love, the omnipresence of love is accessible right now. I don't have to wait to die so that I can be reborn and die again, and be reborn and die, and make it to that fantastical, imaginary yet hopeful future for humanity where we live at peace with ourselves, with each other, and with all life that lives above and below the water and the ground.

I don't know if that future exists. I feel so unmoored, lost, adrift at sea. I just have the mantra command to keep me company, and my own breath, in the presence of all divine lovers who intentionally access the present moment with love in this same and beautiful way, with your voices cracking under the weight of another morning, another grind, another look out into the world that seems so intolerable for human beings to live in, worrying about literally everything, afraid, scared, alone.

But I keep going.

Aum Love Now.